The maid of honor just puked.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
