Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
