I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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