matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
