Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
