Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
