I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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