i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
