Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
