I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
