I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
