Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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