No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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