Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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