we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
