I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize