Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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