There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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