i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
