I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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