just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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