is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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