She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
