thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
