it wasn't lemon gatorade
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
