You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
