goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
