I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
