Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i may or may not be watching the land before time
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
