I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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