farters have to be the big spoon...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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