Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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