Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
