I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
