Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
