I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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