I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want to make out with him forever
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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