She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
