haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
