The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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