I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
