im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
