Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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