If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
