I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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