He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
