i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
