I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
