i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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