You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
