She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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