I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
