Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"it" just moved
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
