help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
