dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
