You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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