A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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