My boss' voice literally gives me gas
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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