I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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