i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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