the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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