dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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