she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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