ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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