Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
