I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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