If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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