When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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