dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
