There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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