I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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