Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
