New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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