he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
