first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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