I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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