I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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