some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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