I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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