Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
