I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
