all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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