For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
