Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
