We're facebook friends in real life
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
