I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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